And that's what I'm doing.

How did I let myself get into this? There is just so much that I'm not sure about anymore... Should I even be going to college? What if I'm not cut out for it? I'm not calling myself dumb, but I just have absolutely no motivation right now. I honestly do want to go back and try it again, hopefully with better results than last time, but I'm afraid I'll sink back into my old habits of just... not doing anything productive. And because of that, I'm pretty sure I lost my scholarship, which was for $11,000 over the four years, so $1,350 a semester. Needless to say, it helped alot. Yeah, I kinda hate me right now.

As for me personally, I'm worried about my health. I stay up way too late, sleep in too late, as a result, I sleep through meals and I dont eat as much as I should. And I've been getting headaches alot, which never happened before, money's tight, especially with the cost of fucking textbooks... $150 for only 3 out of the 7 books I need this semester! Luckily my friends took the same teachers last semester that I'm taking this semester, so maybe they'll let me borrow the books? I hope so....


Now, questions for you that read this far (which probably isn't many): How do you manage to make yourself get into routines that aren't the norm? What I mean to say is, how do you change yourself when you know you absolutely have to? What is your motivation? Do you get outside help? Or is it just some kind of iron will within?
I have none of that, I need some pointers, please. Thank you.

I just realized that I have a majjjjoooorrr soft spot for men who can sing in falsettos and rock it. Like Matt Bellamy, of Muse, for example.

Any guy can sing in a lower octave quite easily. It takes a guy with true guts and talent to sing his heart out and go higher, for that, I respect and admire those men.


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Do you do something about it when your stomach hurts, or just let it be? Usually complain a bit, then ignore it.

Are there any CD's that you enjoy listening to all the way through? Pretty much any Green Day/Muse/Beatles CD. And The Fame Monster and For Your Entertainment.

Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? Yes. And I posted it on youtube. But before you rush to find it, I set it so that only one other person could see it.

Have you ever done anything too embarassing to mention? Prolly, but I don't care. :]

Do you despise the Jonas Brothers as much as I do? Depends on how much you despise them. I do dislike their music, but I don't hate them themselves.

Ever been in a room so messy you couldn't sit on the floor? Many times.

Have you ever done anything illegal? Yup

Do you ever dance around in your underwear in front of a mirror? Yes, I do. Not too often though.

Can you multi-task? Not that well.

Are you one of the 1% in the world who haven't seen the movie Titanic? Nope. I'm in the 99% that have. And I like the movie. I'm a sap for romance, shut up!!

What do people call you? Sarah. I'm not sure why.

What color is your hair? Light-ish brown. Not blonde though.

Is it natural? Heck yes! If you look at my baby pics, it's the exact same color, more or less.

How is it styled right now? Up in a messy ponytail/bun.

Who was better: N*Sync or Backstreet Boys? Um. I'd say neither nowadays, but back when I was 9, I'd've said BSB, prolly.

Are you tan? I live in Alaska. It's almost January. Does that answer your question?

How tall are you? 5 feet 8 1/2 inches. :]

What color are your nails at the moment? Natural. I got fed up with nail-polish not going on like I wanted it to.

Is your hair naturaly curly or straight? Both.

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope. Not at all.

What are you craving right now? Pumpkin pie. Random, right? Seeing as it's 2:30 in the morning.

What is making you mad at the moment? Myself. I should be asleep right now.

Current desktop picture? A pic of the poster for (500) Days of Summer with my pics instead of Summer.

What kind of music do you listen to? Classic rock, Alternative Rock, Pop.

Do you shop at Thrift Stores? (A.k.a Good Will?) Not often.

Would you use soap made of real chocolate? I'd try to but, I'd prolly eat it as I was using it.

Favorite quote from a movie? "Darling, I don't know how to tell you this.... but there's a Chinese family in our bathroom."

Do you consider yourself intelligent? Yes. Not amazingly so, but above average in certain aspects, yes.

What kind of people do you hang out with? People I get along with and who are kind, funny, strange, and awesome.

Do you consider yourself a good or bad influence? In between... I guess.

Have you ever had the urge to punch someone in the face? Yup

Smile, you're on candid camera! *flashes a stupid, toothy grin*

Are you better at doing the "cupid shuffle" or "2 step"? I dunno what either of those are... so I cannot answer that question.

What's your favorite ice cream topping other than sprinkles? Chocolate syrup and/or gummy bears.

Do you prefer snow or rain? Rain. Means that it's not as cold, usually.

Have you ever jumped out a window? Nope.

Can you make it rain? Nope, but Ted can.

Have you ever dyed your hair dark red, black, or blue? None of the above.

Have you ever been cooking something and burnt your finger? Uhduh.

Any nicknames? Sarafina(family nickname)

Which finger is your favorite? Prolly ring.

If you could tell the world just one thing about your friends? They are awesome and respect it!

Describe how you got one of your scars: I was walking up the down escalator and fell into the spikes at the end, causing my left knee to bleed alot and thus create aforementioned scar.

What are you listening to? Fever- Adam Lambert. He's a guilty pleasure, shut up!

Today is the day that my life starts again.
The snow kept falling, but not on me,
A circle of hopelessness had encompassed me for much too long
It's suffocated me, led me to have a life filled with the mundane.

But today, o today!
Today started like any other, but today I found once more
The joys that had once lit up my life;
I became inspired by them, and thought to myself
"Carpe fuckin' diem!"


Hehe, it's not that great, but hell, at least I did it!
If you are one of the few curious as to what this is about, let me enlighten you.

I am the type of person who adores reading and writing, but recently, my life has been full of stupid TV (except for How I Met Your Mother and Glee :]) and me just sitting around, doing nothing. I couldn't even get into a book! But today I started reading "Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption" by Stephen King. (If you haven't seen the movie adaption, rent it now- it's amazing, not scary at all. It's actually one of my favorites.) And I re-discovered the joy of it and I feel like myself again.

Success!

Yay! I'm one year away from 20! I just turned 19 at 11:26 my time... And it's kinda going downhill.

Half of my friends can't make it because they're in a different town and don't have rides.
BUT. I will make the best of this... I WILL.


Mabe I cursed myself.... I watched "Sixteen Candles" last night... silly movie.

"I want your horror, I want your design.
Cos you're a criminal as long as your mine,
I want your love.
Love, love, love, I want your love!
I want your love and I want your revenge,
You and me could write a bad romance."

If you want to watch something weird for the following reasons
a) You're bored.
b) You get off on that kinda of stuff.
[or]
c) You like watching crazy visuals and don't mind pop songs...

then watch this!
[link]


In other news, it finally started snowing here about 3 days ago. It's officially winter!
I actually don't mind it; it makes everything look so much nicer, and the snow adds light, since the light reflects off of it... >.>
And my car! Ah, how I miss it! It should be done soon. Oh, didn't I tell you guys? I got in an accident three weeks ago (hit and run on their behalf) and it's just now getting fixed. D: Stupid fucking insurance people. All they want is your money, and if you owe them, they'll bug you constantly. But if they owe YOU, they'll never call you back, no matter how many times you contact them. Ugh, so typical of major corporations/money whores.

Anywho, cheerio!